The first bite was in my mouth when someone asked what it was, because it was absolutely delicious. The reply was Mofongo and before I could gag at the sound of the word, I had already swallowed. For those of you not familiar with Mofongo, it’s  “made from fried green plantains or fried yuca, seasoned with garlic, olive oil and pork cracklings, then mashed. Mofongo is usually served with a fried meat and a chicken broth soup,” according to Wikipedia, a source that should always be trusted. Although, I don’t remember it looking like the picture above. If so, that would have been enough to keep me away from it before I knew the name.  Thankfully it was already separated out in samples for all of us to try so I didn’t have to see the original mushball it started as.

Some might say this is why you should always try new things. Don’t listen to them! This could have been Mondongo, which not only has a weird name that sounds like dung or dong but it’s a tripe dish. Disgusting!

I was just lucky this time.

The thing is I love tuna fish. It is one of the foods that’s a love it or hate it for many, but I absolutely love it. I love it mixed with mayo and onions and celery or by itself (I’m talking eating it out of the can), not in this horrific fashion. It looks as though it was regurgitated. I didn’t even know this dish existed until I read my friend Brad’s blog about how much he loved butter beans. He pointed to HillybillyHousewife.com (yes, this is a real site) and I started looking at other recipes. This site for food is the equivalent of watching a bad horror flick. No wonder I found something called creamed tuna on it. Unfortunately, there was no picture so I googled the term and surprisingly found a bunch of recipes for this sick concoction.

I ended up landing on www.asthmagirlcooks.com and her recipe took the cake. Not only did she document the cooking of this travesty with step-by-step photos, but she added peas and hard-boiled eggs to it — nasty! Other recipes didn’t go that far but asthmagirlcooks did. Not only does she have asthma, three kids, three dogs and three cats, but she has no taste in food either!

I just found a link referring to a poll AOL Food did last summer asking its readers what their most hated foods were.

Peas, pea soup, mushrooms, eggs, raisins, okra and liver are all on there (all foods I detest as you’ll find out). There were a couple like oysters and lima beans that I’m still on the fence about but I was thrilled to see mushrooms and eggs in the top 10. Mushrooms being number 4! And for all of you that think EVERYBODY LOVES EGGS, they’re number 5, so eat that!

Here’s the full list (I linked to the AOL poll at the top but the link wasn’t working that well so here’s another link too):

20. Blueberries
19. Maple Syrup
18. Cilantro
17. Onions
16. Cooked Carrots
15. Raisins
14. Peas
13. Oysters
12. Pea Soup
11. Sour Cream
10. Gelatin
9. Tuna Fish
8. Brussels Sprouts
7. Beets
6. Okra
5. Eggs
4. Mushrooms
3. Mayonnaise
2. Lima Beans
1. Liver

As I pick the peas out of the pork and fried rice I’m about to eat, now is as good of a time as any to turn the discussion away from mushrooms and to another one of my most hated foods: peas.

A wise man named Vincent Crampton once wrote “Peas: The devil’s vegetable.” He obviously detests them as much as I to equate them to evil but I’m sure he has a one up on me in backing his opinion that he has actually tasted them. Because you see, I hate the pea but I have no idea what it tastes like.

The best way to explain this nutbaggery, and believe me I’m well aware of my shortcomings, is to bring it back to Vincent’s statement linking the pea to the devil.

When I was around eight or nine I was asked by my mother to bring a bottle into the living room for my baby sister who was sitting in her playpen. My father was in there watching TV and I didn’t pay much attention to what was on until I noticed that the little girl’s head on the TV screen had started spinning.

Soon, what appeared to be green pea soup started spewing out of her pie hole to cover her surrounding bedroom and whoever was in there with her.

As you have probably already guessed my father was watching “The Exorcist” and I had the unfortunate timing of walking in at that exact scene. If you haven’t seen the film it’s about a little girl that is possessed by the devil. When I asked my father what the movie was about, I essentially got “This is what happens when little girls are bad, Kelly.”

My father’s sense of humor may be a bit dark but he was regretting it shortly after when I wouldn’t sleep in my own bed or sleep over at anyone’s house for months in fear the devil would possess my body.

What also came with that was a fear of eating peas, because that’s what it looked like Linda Blair was spewing all over the place. This too seemed like a gateway into my soul that would be possessed if I allowed the pea to enter. The director used something to assimilate green pea soup for a reason, because it looks disgusting (not like creamed spinach, one of my favorite sides).

Eventually I started sleeping in my own room again, but I never ate a pea. Yes, I know the devil is not going to possess my body for eating the vegetable but I’m a superstitious girl and I figure if I haven’t eaten it for this long and put so much work into avoiding them then maybe it was for good reason. So I would rather just leave well enough alone.

For it to cause me such distress, I rather hate it. Obviously, not for what it tastes like because if I ever knew what that was like it’s well forgotten now. I just hate it because it caused me too much suffering growing up and for that it is evil or as Vincent put it, “the devil’s vegetable.”

http://www.nowpublic.com/health/deadly-mushrooms-kill-61-year-old

Yeah, the guy shouldn’t have been eating something off the side of the road — I agree. But in every article I have read, the poisonous wild mushrooms look similar to the normal ones. Now, most don’t die from mushroom poisoning, they’re just in such stomach pain they pray to. And yeah, this guy was old enough to know better than to grab a mushroom off the side of the road and eat it; but would a child after knowing nothing but the mushrooms mommy and daddy put on his or her plate for dinner?

You decide on which one is safe and which one isn’t?

Have you guessed yet? The one on the left is the safe one, and the one on the right is the poisonous one (although it looks like something you would find in the produce section at the supermarket). What if little Ricky or Sue saw that while playing in the park one day and decided to stop and have a snack? Bad things, that’s what would happen!

Stop the insanity folks, mushrooms are not only disgusting – they’re deadly!

Randy Krull

A dinner invitation is nice but when 80 percent of what he serves at the table has mushrooms in it, this gal has a problem. I had to get to the bottom of this, why he feels it necessary to ruin perfectly good dishes with his perverse love for the mushroom. Here’s what he had to say:

HTM: Why do you like mushrooms?
PE1: They add a meaty or woody flavor to dishes and absorb the flavors of whatever they are cooked in. As a food, they don’t hold much nutritional value but they have a flavor like nothing else. Not to mention the thousands of varieties. Did you know that the Portobello mushroom can be used in place of meat in some sandwiches? Really rather fascinating little creature, the average mushroom.

HTM: What is your favorite recipe involving mushrooms?
PE1: I dig stuffed mushrooms with all sorts of goodies. Artichoke, cream cheese and crab and such. Simple to prepare and provides a lovely side dish or appetizer that is in character with the simplest dinner party to a black tie affair. You could even say that “No matter what the occasion, the humble mushroom is a ‘fun guy’!” Oh, my. Hahaha *snort* … hmmm.

(Here’s one of the recipes he recommends, but I know you all won’t ever use it: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/artichoke-and-cheese-stuffed-mushrooms-recipe/index.html)

HTM: Would you say you love mushrooms?
PE1: Aside from the occasional conversation with dead philosophers from the magical kind of mushroom, I’d say our relationship is purely gastronomic.

HTM: Why?
PE1: Look lady, I said I just think of them as tasty. Get your finger out of my face!

HTM: Do you have any mental disorders?
PE1: Ow! Stop it! What the hell is wrong with you??! I swear I won’t eat mushrooms anymore. Whoa! Put down the cheese grater … I’m sorry… stop.

HTM: Has a doctor every diagnosed you with an ailment that would effect your taste buds?
PE1: AAAAHHHH … MA TUNGG!!!!

HTM: What’s wrong with you?
PE1: Help me….

But we all know she’s either a head case or a big liar because it had mushrooms in it. So there is no way it could be good! I just wanted to post the picture so I can drive home another example of why mushrooms are bad.

Doesn’t it remind you of something that should be pulsating in some sci-fi movie?

I hate both mushrooms and peas vehemently; so it wasn’t like I had a favorite. And the idea is still the same for this blog: writing about how much I love food and how absolutely picky I am about it.

And, I’m not talking picky like restaurant critic picky. I’m the girl who takes all of her Thanksgiving leftovers and mixes them in a bowl (I mean turkey, corn, carrots, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy) microwaves it and then eats it in front of her disgusted sisters. I really should talk to Kentucky Fried Chicken about their “Mashed Potato Bowl” because I think I came up with that idea about 20 years ago. Anyway, like I was saying, I’m no food critic, expert, chef or foodie. I’m just an average girl who loves to eat and it pisses me off certain food items such as the ones listed above (and we’ll discuss others) have to ruin what could be a perfectly wonderful meal and how some people just don’t get it.

Now, I’m not saying everyone needs to agree with what I like, I think I’m just trying to wrap my head around why I like and don’t like certain foods. The ones I hate the most you have probably already guessed: mushrooms and peas. And I don’t like them for totally different reasons. Legitimately, I don’t like mushrooms because of their vile earthy taste and they’re freakish consistency in my mouth. I’ll hold off explaining why I don’t like peas (it’s a doozy, but I will tell you this: I’ve never eaten them before.)

Okay, so I must really sound like a nut, but that’s the point. My friends are tired of hearing me bitch about my food idiosyncrasies so I’ve decided to find a new sounding board. Trust me, my rants can be very entertaining, and this won’t always be about foods I hate. I’ll be sharing good dining and cooking experiences and news as well.

I’m no expert, I just know what I like and I don’t like.